Simple Geek’s Guide to Speeding Up Your Old Laptop

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    Most of us run our lives through our computers, so they’re obviously important. But goddamn are they expensive too. And when we do buy one, technology move so quickly that our laptops seem to feel obsolete overnight. It doesn’t help that companies like Apple factor planned obsolesce into their products, so they seem to work slower and stupider each time you update something. Luckily there are some pretty easy tricks you can do to speed up your old laptop to keep it running and working for you.

    Add an SSD

    Adding a Solid State Drive (SSD) is the most powerful way to speed up your old laptop. It’s like giving your decrepit computer an infusion of blood from a viral young stud a la Gavin Belson in Silicon Valley. These days lots of new laptops come with SSDs, but if your computer is old enough you can get either internal or external ones. The external ones are simple; you just plug it in through a USB or Thunderbolt port. Internal ones require you to open your computer up and install it, but its more powerful. Use the googles to find out which is best for your computer.

    Add More RAM

    This is the oldest trick in the book right. I Remember needing to add more RAM just to get one of the King’s Quest games to work on my PC a bazillion years ago. If you’ve got a PC that allows you do so, adding RAM will majorly help your computer.

    Uninstall Unused Software

    Let’s be honest; there is so much shit on your computer that you never use. Not just the one that you downloaded once and forgot about, but also the ones that came with your computer. Like really, how often do you use that chess program? Exactly. Go through and uninstall all that superfluous software. You’ll be surprised how much room is freed up.

    Erase Old Files

    You also have tons of files on your computer that you never ever use. Remember those Britney Spears albums that your ex-put on your iTunes? No? Ok, maybe that’s just me, but you get the point. There are tons of files from music to video to photos that you never really use. If you’re a digital hoarder, you can transfer them all to an external hard drive and bring them out when you’re drunk and nostalgic. Regardless if you put them on an external or not, delete them and then empty your trash can.

    Get Rid of Your Animations

    Those little animations your computer does are cute and all, but they really aren’t necessary. Plus they are slowing your old jalopy down. Both PCs and Mac’s have different ways to disable them, so just give it a google, and you’ll be on your way.

    Scan for Malware and Viruses

    I get it those Princess Leia cosplay pics are hot but looks like your computer might have gotten a dose of the PC VD when you downloaded them. Make getting rid of malware and viruses will help get your laptop running faster. Now if they only made condoms for computers…..

    Try Different Browsers

    Different browsers work better on different computers. Play around with different ones to see which one works best for you.

    Restore to Factory Settings

    In the worst case scenario, you can restore your computer to factory settings. Remember though that this will get rid of everything that didn’t originally come with the computer, so make sure you backup all important stuff to an external hard drive.

    Stuart Schuffman, aka Broke-Ass Stuart, is a travel writer, TV host and poet. Follow him at

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